Elmer’s Glue

Glue and I go back a long way.

Recently I started sending out ebay items using the
ebay shipping labels.  Navigating that process is daunting
and time consuming, but I think I’m getting the hang of
it.  But, because I’m too cheap to TAPE the labels to the
little packages . . .

I have decided to glue them on.  So, I reach for the Elmer’s
Glue and my blood pressure starts to rise because I know
the miserable little bottle won’t work properly.   Why won’t
it just pour out when I turn the cap and tip it over?

First I go to the cupboard to get the glue—somewhere I have a different type of adhesive to use when the
grandchildren come and do craft stuff—but you
and I both know I can’t find that right now.

So, I’m left with Elmer’s.  I have about four bottles–
some even have students’ names on them and I
quit teaching years ago!

I reach for an (unnamed) little one thinking that
might be the newest one  (why?).

But the glue doesn’t even move in that one when I tip it over.  So
I’ll try the big one—-marked $3.79.   $3.79?  I paid $3.79 for glue?

I hunker it over the back of the shipping label.  Squeeze.  Nothing.
Turn the cap, squeeze.  Nothing.   I once wrote a “piece” about
a battle with Elmer’s Glue—I remember it involved all kinds of
strategies—boiling hot water, unbent paper clips jammed in the
top, use of a corkscrew, (a bandaid), a nut pick, and even a
Blatz beer can opener.

This time I poke at it with an old hat pin—remember hat pins?–and
somehow this has a little success.  I hear the faintest of wheezes when
I squeeze the bottle.

I content myself with dragging minuscule trails of white glue around
the shipping labels and vow to “fix” the cap on that thing before the
next go-round.