My Friend

I talked with an old friend this morning to catch up with
her news.  This is the old school friend from way back–the one I
made Froggy for at Christmas time.

They have snow and lots of ice underneath it!
She always has some new iron in the fire and I never know

what to expect.  She’s been known to visit fortune tellers to find out
about her love life . . . her daughters warning her not to give out ANY
information first so that the gypsy would know about anything.  And
one of my favorites is when she ordered the socks that you wear at
night and ALL the impurities from your body go down into your socks
like osmosis while you sleep—you can see them in the morning!  (Uck)

She didn’t disappoint this time either.  It’s been a long winter for her–
she broke a bone at her ankle/lower leg  (yup, same ice underneath the
snow)  and that was no fun.  It was during that time that she decided to
make a play for Publishers Clearing House . . . (!) and she would treat it as
a business—paying attention to it, keeping up with their mailings, etc.
Maybe she’d win some money.

Along with the stuff they send out about magazine subscriptions, apparently
there are ads, too, and one of the ads that caught her eye was a special
ICE/HEAT bandage to soothe fractures and sprains–which had STRAPS
on it to keep it in place.

It was the straps that won her over.  She had been told to keep ice on her
ankle, but it was tricky to keep the ice pack stable.

She sent away for the ICE/HEAT bandage.  A week or so later a package
arrived in her mailbox.

The trip to the mailbox is a chore in itself–espcially with a bum leg.
She lives in a rural area and the mailbox is down at the end of a long driveway.
So she goes out her back door and gets in her car and drives down to the mailbox.
Then she picks up the little red flag that has fallen off her mailbox—again.
It’s old and tin and she has to kind of make a splint to attach it to the old stick that
held the flag—to let the mailman know there is a letter to mail out–but
when the mailman comes along to take the letter, deliver the mail, etc, the
old flag falls off again on the ground and  . . .

So a package came in the mail.  Yea!  She hobbled back into the car, drove
back up the house—–and opened the package in her kitchen.  A bill fell out
but the package was empty!  Well!

She boxed it all up again, including a note saying that she’d be glad to pay the
invoice when she received what she had ordered.

A few days went by and she got another envelope from Publishers Clearing
House—-a new bill threatening finance charges if it wasn’t paid promptly.

She studied the paperwork and found a phone number to call—talked to a
very nice woman, she says, and explained what I’ve just explained to you–and
told the woman she was an “old lady” (she likes to lay it on thick) and that she
really was looking forward to having some relief for her fracture, etc.

The woman was contrite and said she would help to get a new product sent out.

Another bill came!!—and our friend—I feel she must be yours, too, by now—
called again and this time another woman, very, very kind, heard the whole story
and promised to help.

Sure enough!  Soon a package came with (a bill) and the ICE/HEAT bandage with
straps.  Yea, again!  This time—treating PCH again as a business—she directly wrote
out a check the same day—-with a long note thanking them for being honest and
believing her that she wasn’t trying to fool them, etc—-

By this time, her ankle was really healing pretty well, but—the bandage would
be useful some other time.

Two days later, another package arrived—another bill and ICE/HEAT bandage!
She was fit to be tied as they say.

She called the company again—should she “return to sender” or “refuse” the
package?  Maybe they could send her a mailing label so that they would know
that she had spoken to them about the return?   The man she spoke to this time,
after hearing the whole rigamarole that we are familiar with now said the simplest
thing—the easiest thing—was to just keep the bandage.  Don’t return it at all.

So now she has two—and I screamed into the telephone—I don’t want one for

P.S. The Publishers Clearing House big prize drawing is March 16th–
fingers crossed!

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4 Responses to My Friend

  1. Buttondeb says:

    Hilarious! And the strap-on ice pack sounds very handy . I mean , I hope that she never needs to use two at once, but…we do have two of many body parts that might end up requiring ice therapy!

  2. FictionFan says:

    Haha! Mail order is great when it works! It’s probably all that exercise in going to the mailbox and back that’s helped her leg get better… 😉

    Yay! Excitingly your post turned up in my reader – first time since you changed your blog waaaaay back! Hopefully it’s not a one-off.. 🙂

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